I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
