I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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