he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
