Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
