I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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