My first STD was from a foam party
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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