its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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