Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
