It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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