Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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