eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Shame - the story of my life.
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