I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Randomize
