I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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