yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
