Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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