This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
