he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
