My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
