we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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