bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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