YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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