allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
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I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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