My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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