If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
