did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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