All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
