We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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