i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Who put my cat in the fridge?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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