it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Someone signed my nipple.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize