I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
