my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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