Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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