What did we do last night that was yellow?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
