so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
