Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
