all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
