What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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