"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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