apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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