At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
