Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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