There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
