i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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