how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
