Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
