I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
