I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
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