What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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