I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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