I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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