its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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