my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
