My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
