turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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