Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
