People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
