: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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