She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
