Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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