All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Someone came in the potted fern
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
