I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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