She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
