At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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