You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
