I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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