She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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