Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
