I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
