Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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