haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
