I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
