My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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