good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
