is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
