our cab driver is having phone sex.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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