I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
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He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
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On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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