so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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