when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
