I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize