So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We smell like vodka and hangover
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
