I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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