She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Text me some of your sweat
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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