I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
