Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
