Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just gift wrapped bread.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
