I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Found the puke drawer
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
