I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
