so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
