We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He has the fingertips of a God
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