My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
