he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
