hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
